i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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