You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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