If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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