She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
