you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
