I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
