so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
