You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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