Someone shit on the floor
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In America we eat man semen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
