hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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