There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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