my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
