to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
