maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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