WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
