Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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