Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
