lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
