drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
