Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
