Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
