Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
