I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they call him Oral-B. enough said
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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