Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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