There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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