i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This show inspires me to have sex in space
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
