i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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