u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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