Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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