I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
