In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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