You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
false alarm. still invincible.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
