you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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