do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
