Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
