So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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