I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
