Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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