I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
