I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
