Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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