At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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