At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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