oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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