It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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