Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
