from now on my penis is your penis
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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