Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he thought i was a dude.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
