I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
