Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
