Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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