that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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