guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
