I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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