what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
