I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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