Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
