i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
