I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
