Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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