Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
