Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
