haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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