Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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