Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
