why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
