Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
