If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
