I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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