did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
