I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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