he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
