i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
