I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
